Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Program
Television's prominent entertainers devoted their airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration initiative, called the "golden visa," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency system for the rich.
The Late Show's Pointed Take
Starting his program, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday jingle about the president. "He is compiling a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "The President ... destroys everything he handles."
The subject was the new program that allows foreign individuals to purchase U.S. residency for an investment of one million dollars, with a "platinum" tier for $5 million. An official page promises approval "faster than ever."
"A quick note for you to wealthy applicants: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.
He noted that the card is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, involving large costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get free accommodation at a property of your selection – provided that it's the that one hotel," he added.
"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals absolutely qualify to be in America."
"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary
On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."
"Here's a card that will permit rich foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."
"Maybe it's time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.
Kimmel teased the simplicity of the form, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."
"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers discussing Economic Issues
On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll numbers amid financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.
This week, in a effort to tackle prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of food items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.
"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."
"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.