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As a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent numerous, mostly enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a serious relationship that lasted four years, but it never fully satisfied me, because I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. The fact is that I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start to date a potential partner, when the initial excitement dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners once more.

Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment

I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, but when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, frequently causing significant pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I want a partner to love me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership may be unattainable? I’m feeling somewhat confused.

Every person’s sexual journey varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate different types of intimate connections in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change down the road; eventually you might become more decisive and find some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter a person offering a life-changing chance for you by reflecting what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Worrying about the future and playing endless speculation is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay present with your partners, and see the value of each person with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear.

• The psychotherapist practices as a American therapy professional who specialises in treating intimacy issues.