Those Words shared by A Father That Helped Me as a New Father

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into becoming her main carer in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While people is now better used to talking about the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a wider inability to communicate among men, who often internalise negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a display of failure to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to take a pause - taking a short trip overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."